The Priya's of the World
Priya (name changed) seemed to have everything going for her. At 23, she was an attractive girl who was financially independent and her huge set of friends was something to be envied. And then she got married. Her ‘liberal’ husbands and in-laws from the beginning had certain reservations about her modern outlook and lifestyle. Naturally, she was willing to compromise a little. That she would have to compromise her happiness, independence and self-respect was something she hadn’t bargained for. She was made to leave her job (a good house’s daughter-in-law doesn’t work, does she?) and yet she was constantly told that since she wasn’t contributing financially, she had no say in family matters. Contact with the outside world was reduced to almost nothing and she would be subjected to a daily harangue of how she was inferior and of her parasitic existence. Convinced that she herself was at fault, she kept telling her friends, who were deeply concerned, that she was happy, that her oppression was something they were imagining…
But one day, it was just enough. After having received a sound beating from her husband, followed by a lecture of her worthlessness, she decided to soon commit suicide. Fortunately, at the last minute she told her closest friend Sabina the harsh truth. Sabina simply took the next flight to Bombay, went to Priya’s house and told her mother-in-law that she would not be coming back. But nothing can be as simple as that. The mother-in-law refused to hand over Priya’s college degrees, work certificates and the money and jewelry which were rightfully hers. No amount of threats seemed to work on the family and the Police also refused to intervene. Finally, a teacher who was much concerned about Priya, worked her way in college and got her another copy of her degree. She has now got a job in a small company and is set to build her life from scratch.
Priya’s story is just one out of the millions of incidents which happen to women all over the world. We may have come a long way from those days when wife-beating was almost legal, but still a lot needs to be done. 100 years of feminism has not been successful enough to ensure that women across communities and classes today are not subjected to domestic violence. Contrary to public perception, domestic violence is not just the physical violence of a husband beating his wife (or vice versa). Mental torture and marital rape also mean domestic violence. Incidentally, there is no law yet for marital rape.
Much concern has been expressed about the violence that a wife is subjected to, during her pregnancy. The fact that the wife carrying their own child does not deter a husband from ill-treating her. Even in such a vulnerable state, many women are often beaten up, flung about the house, made to do tiresome manual work and are forced into having sex. Doctors have said that this leads to extreme stress, which can endanger the lives of both the mother and the fetus. It can lead to severe complications at the time of birth, which may even result in either the mother dying or the baby being still-born. For this reason, they have been recommending institution of domestic violence screening for pregnant women.
Studies have also shown that higher the education, higher is the chances of domestic violence in the house. This often stems from the traditional viewpoint that men and the society at large has about women. A financially independent woman is seen as a threat and the fact that she may be more qualified and perhaps more intelligent than her husband becomes hard to digest. Hence, in order to suppress a feeling of inferiority and to show one’s ‘maleness’, the husband resorts to domestic violence – both physical and psychological. Of course, it also cannot be denied that in many cases, the man gets encouraged because the wife does not protest due to the fear of social disrepute.
While it is true that more stringent laws are needed in India, there is also the need for women to step out and to protest against domestic violence. It is important to say ‘no’ at the very first slap that comes one’s way, or the very first abuse that is hurled at oneself. Equally important it is to tell the society that her supposedly charming husband is actually a sadistic monster at home. Otherwise, all of us can continue being like Priya, who convinced herself and the world that nothing was wrong at all.
Tagged domestic violence, Law
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