She, the 'Culprit'
She leaves for her office at 9 am in her personal car and gets back home by 6 in the evening after religiously fulfilling her duties as a lecturer in a private college. At home she is a typical Indian woman, a caring wife and mother. Her maid, a lady in her late thirties leaves for work by seven in the morning only to return at ten in the night. She works at her place as a full time maid and as for her own domestic duties she discharges them early in the morning and late at night. Both woman double up as doting mothers and working women but similarities don’t end here. Both have to face the anger and frustration of their husbands, locked up during the day but all over their wives in night. In the 21st century, these talks may seem futile to some of you but this is as real as everyday stories of gang rapes are.
Frustration and anger here may not come out in the form of physical violence by their partners. Infact, with the changing times domestic violence is more about being blamed for no wrong doings, constant taunting and even withdrawal of mental support and security. As this lady living in one of Delhi’s posh localities puts it, “I never get my husband. Why is it that I am blamed if he suffers a loss in business? I can understand his tensions and pressures but rather allowing me to calm him down he makes me the scapegoat of all the anger.” This may sound surprising to most of you but almost every household sees the same situation repeating itself. often.
Every problem has a cause. Indian men are brought up in a very secured and pampered environment. For all their wrong doings and even when they lose something, rather then teaching them to face problems head-on they are taught to shift the blame or curse the planets! This is why when they are back home after a hard day at work and after succumbing to the demands and pressures at their work place they see a soft target in their wives. And their wives worry even more thinking that their poor husband is in a grave problem which they cannot help.
Well everybody has got a particular behavior pattern but behavior of Indian men with their better half is astonishingly same. It is not like only they are to be blamed, rather, partial blame needs to be shared by the women as well. There is a serious problem in our attitude and our patriarchal mindset. Women think that after a hard day at work it is only their husband who is tense and needs recreation and that they are some machines that need to be over productive and deliver performance every time. They just don’t say ‘enough’ when they really need to. Even a well-educated, well earning woman allows herself to be taken for granted. It is not only her husband who has his way with her, infact she rarely raises her voice for her interests and their protection in front of anybody. Because like men even they are brought up in a certain way which gets codified in their minds as the norm! Questioning situations does not come to them easily. I know this does not sound as traumatic as rapes and other crimes women are subjected to but then isn’t it significant enough that a majority of women in Indian households lead suppressed lives. Living in a free environment with a free thought process is every person’s right. And these rights are bound to be there for every human being..So if something needs to be mended it is mindset of the society which still confers an inferior status to women in all spheres of life.
Contributed by The Viewspaper
Tagged domestic violence
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