Rural Window: The story of a survivor
Beaten, bruised and burnt – three verbs which describe the traumatic married life of 38 year old Seema Pandey. Narrowly escaping death, Seema ran away to her natal home and decided never to return. She now lives with her mother, whom she single-handedly takes care of.
India’s is a culture that is built on patriarchal values – where usually it is the sons who are given an education and where it is considered the husband’s prerogative to demand unyielding duty from his wife. It is also a culture of violence, where women are abused both physically and sexually, and suffer from societal stigma and ostracism. Through the training sessions it is Breakthrough’s endeavour to propagate a culture of equality, dignity and justice for all, especially women.
In the summer of 2007 Seema joined Breakthrough’s training sessions on Gender, Sexuality and Violence against Women. For Seema, – a survivor of the most extreme kind of domestic violence – it was a first in her life when she analysed and realised that her experiencing domestic violence was a direct outcome of the Indian patriarchal value system and not because it was fated to be so. She took the opportunity to question gender roles and expectations that the society placed on women like her.
We often witness the change that participants experience – their shifts in attitude, their clearer perspectives and behaviour. Some even come back and join us as volunteers in helping others to cope with their situations, or to advocate change. But what was truly gratifying for Breakthrough was when Seema broke the mould. Two months down the line after Seema’s training, Seema disrupted gender norms and performed the last rites of her mother by igniting the funeral pyre during the cremation. Traditionally according to Hindu customs it is the son’s prerogative to conduct the holy ceremony, not only because women are considered “impure” but also because it is the man who carries forward the family bloodline. But Seema was clear in not allowing her brothers to play any role, “Where were they when my mother needed to be looked after? Where were they when she needed money for her operation?”
In the conservative heartlands of Kanpur, where traditional, stereotypical norms are a way of life – Seema dared to question them and have her voice heard.
Tagged domestic violence, gender, sexuality
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