It Takes Two: Will the 'real men' please stand up?
When it comes to domestic violence, cases of man to woman violence clearly outnumber those by women on men. So what drives men to act aggressive and violent towards their own loved ones? Does being the stronger sex come with a need of wanting to show their power? And does showing your power on the so-called weaker sex really qualify you as a ‘real man’?
These are some questions Jason LeBlanc, abuse prevention educator for the Family Violence Project tackles in this article for the Kennebec Journal-Morning Sentinel. In the article, he elaborates upon the concept of the ‘Man Box‘.
He says, "When I ask (high school) students to define ‘real’ men, some of the words and phrases they use are: Powerful; aggressive; makes the money; ladies’ man; shows no emotion; does not cry; uses his strength; fights to get what he wants. These are the words that we describe as ‘inside the box’, and young men are often quick to understand that while being in the box is not necessarily ideal, it’s ‘safe’."
Honestly, if we go to see, these are the values that we’ve been inculcating in our own sons and daughters. Right from their birth, the sons are deemed as the stronger and the more dominating sex, while the daughters are taught to listen to their brothers and passed off as weaklings. Gender discrimintation is very closely related to domestic violence as it affects the thinking and behaviour of children. All the social institutions, be it the family or the society, reinforce these discrminiating values. These are the things due to which most men grow up to have rave ideas about their ‘manhood’ and don’t treat womne with the respect they deserve.
As LeBlanc points out, "Powerful societal pressures keep men in the ‘man box’ and resist changing the definition of ‘real man‘." He uses the lyrics of a song by the Beatles to explain this.
"Well, you know that I’m a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind,
And I can’t spend my whole life trying’,
Just to make you toe the line.
You’d better run for your life if you can, little girl,
Hide your head in the sand, little girl.
Catch you with another man,
That’s the end’a little girl."
LeBlanc says,"One implication of the song lyrics above — and many other lyrics like them — is that ‘real men’ use threats of violence to keep their women in line. Since the ones imparting that message have been idolized and looked up to by millions of teens, that message is not only acceptable, but admirable."
So how do we change that attitude? How do we make young boys to believe that showing their power on their women does not add to their manhood? LeBlanc answers this one, "We need equally powerful messages that will redefine manhood. Stepping outside the box is uncomfortable and unfamiliar and can cause others to label them (men) with words that demean and imply lesser value: Sissy, wuss, girl, crybaby, faggot, gay, homo.
By focusing on language that demeans anyone who is not a ‘real man’ and then working to remove these words from their vocabulary, young men can take their first steps out of the ‘man box’ and make their world a place where all people, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, are equal and are treated with respect."
Every man wants to be a ‘real man’. But how can you call yourself one if you can’t protect your own woman? Instead, you assault her day in and day out?
Domestic violence is no more a woman’s issue, it’s time for the young men and boys to stand up and take action. As LeBlanc says, "For more than 30 years, domestic violence has been a women’s issue. It is time for men to stand up, speak out and be heard. Only then will abuse end in our communities and it will be safe for all of us to live outside of the box."
So, if you’re a ‘real man’, take a stand against domestic violence and show the world what you’re made of.
Tagged domestic violence, gender
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