What does it mean to really help, make a change
A year ago
My maid is an illiterate woman from Bihar, Muslim by religion, but with relatively fair IQ for her being and upbringing. She is single-handed bringing up her 5 kids and taken steps to ensure no more babies all by herself. In response to her act, the husband went absconding for good 2 years. It took her 2 sons and 1 daughter more after her 2 daughters to collect enough amounts required for the medical process.
Her 1st daughter is 12 years of age; she herself being 25. She was married at an age of 12 years and Nagina was born when she was all of 14 years..!! It sends cold chill down my spine each time I think about it. As a matter of respect, I have personally admitted all her kids to the nearby Government School and am funding for their education. At the moment this is what I can afford. This was after much counselling since Sonia wanted to get her daughter married off in the next year..!!
Her husband is a species of parasite. A rickshaw driver by occupation, he keeps himself drugged all the time. He says he doesn’t earn more than 10- 20 bucks and gives her nothing in terms of money. Even on days that he makes no penny (as he claims) he still manages with his dopes. Only after much cribbing and fights (both physical and verbal), he has agreed to get her groceries whenever he earns ‘some money’, i.e., whenever. He is back by 5-ish in the evening and keeps loitering around.
Sonia would tell me how her mother would lock her without food and water any day that she would manage to sneak out to the nearby pathhshala. How she used to be beaten up by her father-in-law and was once even tried to be burnt alive upon finding out that she was trying to make her Election ID card; which she thankfully and successfully had by then. She now dreads going back to Bihar because she would be house- locked again literally, her daughters (all) would be married off the 1 st thing and a few more things; reading which would only reflect upon humiliation.
It is just a gist. It was tough for me to be able to pen whatever I have here.
It is a shame that we are trying to change the whole face by demolishing the so called illegal constructions and putting people to death- bed for some Games may be and yet are unable or probably un-willing to demolish such criminal activities still going on like some pious, religious practice. My heart bleeds whenever I get to hear what she has been through and still is being.
Serials like Balika Vadhu and the likes, why can’t the Authorities make it compulsory for all schools to view it half hour every day?? The people who they are intended for do not have the money for Cable connection; just when would our society realize it?? Instead, people who are already educated and understood are watching it like a Daily Soap and getting entertained.
It’s time that sympathies be over and some action be taken. The kids are the ones who witness and learn the daily activities. Its them who would bring about a change in our community by watching the correct behaviours if they are made to that is.
A Year Later
I have stretched myself and deployed her for her complete time at my place and her money.
- She gets to sit with me on the Table and have her food- not to mention the Table Manners.
- She has now learnt to wear outfits other than Suits and Sarees.
- She knows English Names for the Vegetables and Fruits and common household objects.
- Greets and wishes in English (being the international language across the globe)
- Actively fights back whenever her husband tries to beat her up.
- Has stopped giving her earnings to him.
- Sports a smart hairdo instead of long pigtail (literally)
Several times I had to run down to her place to save her from being beaten up to death or may be to console her kids because the husband would go absconding..
I am not willing to adopt her and give her an easy way out without realization; instead, she would have to fight back and do it all by herself
I have promised to her that in course, I would stand with and by her for all she needs.
Tagged domestic violence, Education, gender, Human Rights, liberty, Marriage, respect, rights, Violence, violence against women, women
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pialiApril 19, 2010 at 10:31 am
Olivia, I totally agree with you, the best way you can make her life better is by teaching her the life skills and not by adopting her. Your initiative is highly recommendable.
Sangeetha VijaykumarApril 28, 2010 at 7:43 am
Ms. Olivia…. i really admire your courage and determination to stand by this woman. It is always easy to tell ppl what and how it is to be done, but actually doing it…………..its is something great indeed!
Im sure your maid is only one is so many thousands who get battered everyday in our country, and most of them are educated women at that.
Hope “Bell Bajao” helps in what ever way it can to make these women and men realise that Domestic Violence will just not be tolerated ANY MORE!
oliviaMay 3, 2010 at 11:46 amAuthor
Piali and Sangeetha,
Thankyou for the encouragement. I strongly feel that we women ourselves would have to come forward and take steps both for ourselves and others too. It seems that we still live in some prehistoric era where women’s existence was synonymous to being “just another object”. its time we come together and change the MYTH.
Sonia had 3 daughters, if I don’t tell her that ought to have been by her mother/elders, 3 more women would suffer on the same trail and the numbers would keep multiplying. I am doing what I feel each one of us should be. I respect her for the challenge she has taken for herself. I definitely take pride in taking her along with, she dressed up in western outfit exactly as I would and walk confidently with her head held high.
I’ll make sure that she passes on the uplift-ment to her daughters and bring them up as if nothing’s wrong. Its very important for a woman to understand the loopholes/deficiencies in our present system and that’s all and exactly I am working towards for her.
pattySeptember 20, 2010 at 2:08 pm
and so it begins, with one life, trickling to three more, and then perhaps, nine after that…. you’ve created a wave whose wake will impact generations… good for you and for us and for them.