How do we influence our culture?Does it legitimize honor killings?

A woman is not allowed to do certain things because her “cultures does not allow it”. Be it working outside the house, wearing certain types of clothes or going to certain places, meeting certain people. Men maybe allowed to dominate women or abuse them physically and verbally because that is something that their “culture allows”. I read this interesting blog titled “mama says good girls marry doctors” which explores how it is important to families that women stay true to their culture for the sake of passing heritage from one generation to another. This made me question what exactly does culture mean?

Culture is the behavior and practices of a community or society. Everything around us is culture, something that starts to embed itself in us from the time we are born. Both society and culture are interdependent on each other. Society follows a particular culture, and that culture is formed by the society itself. Different societies have different cultures. For example, in a country like India or the Unites States of America it is shameful for a man to cry in public. It shows him to be weak and unmanly, whereas in Italy, it is normal for a man to cry and display his emotions in public.

Culture is not a static entity, it is dynamic always changing. Each generation adds something new to culture, and may discontinue following certain practices that existed earlier. Culture also changes due to immigration or the mixing of two societies, in which case an entirely new culture may develop.

I am not against culture, or against being loyal to culture. Culture plays a very important role in our lives and therefore we must be critical of it. Are our traditions being biased in a sexist manner? Often culture is seen as strict guidelines which if you don’t follow you’re known as the “bad girl”. How often has any one wanted to do something but were afraid to be known as the bad girl within our community. “Honor killings” like that of Nirupama Pathak who was allegedly killed by her own parents, just because she was going to marry a man lower than her caste are very common.

An honor killing in many countries is legal! Supposedly talking to a man on the phone or just the mere rumor or supposition that an illicit behavior may have happened can bring disgrace to a family. Such girls are forced to commit suicide or are poisoned, shot or strangled by their own families. According to a conference organized by the UN Human Rights office in Ramallah, Palestine, globally 5000 women are murdered and abused by their male relatives each year as punishment for a range of behaviors judged to have damaged the family reputation. The so called “honor killings” by relatives are often in response to perceived breaches of traditions governing sexual behavior; the woman may have been raped; she may have expressed a desire to choose her own husband; said she wanted a divorce; or tried to claim an inheritance. Such examples make it tougher for women to go against set orthodox rules and question the regulations set for them by society.

It is said that multiple cultural, religious, societal and economic conditions, beliefs and traditions make the practice complex and difficult to eradicate. Current laws are discriminatory and do not adequately protect women and girls from “honor” crimes, rape, sexual abuse or incest. For example, criminal law provisions throughout the occupied Palestinian territory reduce penalties for men who kill or attack female relatives accused of adultery or extramarital relationships.

But I think is in our hands to build a culture or change the existing culture. Culture is influenced by the way people living it think. We have to redefine culture so that it gives more space and freedom to a woman. Recently I read an extract of Virginia Wolf’s “Shakespeare’s sister”, in which she questions if Shakespeare had an equally talented sister, how would she break the barriers of society and write? Would society have accepted her as a woman author? Some of the best women writer’s in earlier times wrote under the name of a man, example Harper Lee, George Eliot. Jane Austen used to write anonymously.

We have come a long way since then, but we still have a long journey ahead. It is up to us to break the barriers of society. Not to acknowledge the map with our places already marked, but to revisit and make our own map. Not to accept the culture that oppresses women but restructure it to give women their freedom and their rights.